Home Removals
We remove items from your home. Whose home? Yours. To where? That information is on a need-to-know basis, and you do not need to know.
What We'll Take Off Your Hands
And by "off your hands," we do mean permanently. The following are all fair game:
- Furniture (yours, briefly)
- Appliances, still warm
- Boxes, contents unverified on return
- Household items of sentimental value (our favourites)
- The occasional pet, by accident, we're so sorry, mostly
- Your soul (collected at the threshold, no receipt issued)
- Both lungs (we like to travel light — so should you)
- Your will to live (heavy item surcharge applies)
- One kidney (you've got a spare, don't be greedy)
How It Works
- You request a quote. It is reasonable.
- We arrive. The quote is no longer reasonable.
- We load. Items vanish. Walls weep.
- We present the final invoice. You cry.
- We accept cash, watches, and family heirlooms.
Disclaimer: Items are insured up to a value of £0. Breakages are guaranteed. We are not liable for anything, including this sentence.
Frequently Avoided Questions
Will my belongings arrive at my new home?
Some of them. The good ones are on a journey of self-discovery. To a lock-up. In a different county.
Are you insured?
We are insured against you successfully suing us, in the sense that you won't be able to find us.
What's included in the price?
The price. Nothing else is included in the price. The price includes only the price.
★★★★★
“They were polite, which somehow made the theft worse. Found my toaster on eBay that evening. Listed by 'buff_steals_co'.”
NC
Nigel CrookHorfield • do not recommend
★★★★★
“They read my diary aloud in the van and gave it a 2-star review. The diary, not the move. The move was a 1.”
BS
Brenda SplinterRedland • emotional damage
★★★★★
“Asked for a quote, received a threat. Asked for the threat in writing, received a bigger threat. Lovely lads though.”
TW
Trevor WelchBrislington • lost a wardrobe